WE ALL HAVE heard that a good man is hard to find. My advice is: Try a little harder! There are thousands of women who have children but no man thanks to divorce, natural deaths or homicides, homosexuality, guys in jail and the overall shortage of the male species. Even with these odds against you, it is still your duty and obligation as a MOTHER to check out a potential mate’s background and character.

BECAUSE YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE continuously exposed to your choice of a man, you have to be a SMART SHOPPER! Your man not only should love and care about you, but also your kids. Like it or not, you are a PACKAGE DEAL! I cannot forget watching a talk show long ago about women who were without mates and desperately looking. One guest was proudly telling the studio audience that she had finally found her future husband and Prince charming.

THE AUDIENCE started applauding and nodding approval until this “wannabe-married-at-all-costs” woman revealed that the guy had just been released from prison for molesting little girls. Well, surprise, surprise — she was the mother of two girls, ages 5 and 6…yes you heard me! I was so shocked angry to hear that crazy woman say that….it was unreal to me! My first thought was that she is obviously very lonely, horny, desperate, love- starved or just tired of looking!


(Left: Jessica Howell, Right: Jordan Prince) Missouri woman charged with child abuse and second degree murder after allowing her boyfriend to rape her 4-month-old infant daughter, which resulted in the infant’s death.

WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS, ladies, YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG AND CAN’T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TIRED OR DESPERATE! CHILD ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ARE ON THE RISE MORE THAN EVER DUE TO THE AWFUL economy, lack of jobs, financial pressures, drug abuse, poor child-rearing skills and bringing home the WRONG man makes things worse for sure! I feel sorry for battered women, but I feel total outrage when I read or hear that another innocent child has died violently at the hands of a mother’s mate. All too often, a mother ignores the abuse or goes along with the abuser because of fear, need, or just wanting to keep her man at all cost!

WHEN SEARCHING FOR LOVE AND companionship ladies, try to keep your hormones under control and focus on your self-respect, dignity and, ABOVE ALL, LOVE FOR YOUR BABIES! IF A MAN IS ABUSING YOU, EITHER VERBALLY, OR PHYSICALLY, TRUST ME — EVENTUALLY HE WILL ABUSE YOUR CHILDREN. MANY WOMEN STAY WITH MEAN ASS MEN because they have too many mouths to feed and are afraid to go through it alone. I say, throw the bum out when it is safe to do so…. and take your chances out on your own. There are plenty of city, state and federal agencies out here setup to help mothers (and fathers), who are being abused! A mother should strive to be independent so she will hopefully never become trapped in a relationship where her daughters and sons are being physically, and in a lot of cases, sexually violated, just because she lacks skills, money, self-esteem and self-love!

YOUR KIDS SHOULD NOT BECOME VICTIMS due to your poor choices of a mate. IF YOUR GUT FEELING TELLS YOU THAT YOUR LOVER IS NOT REALLY INTERESTED in the “PACKAGE DEAL”‘ that I mentioned earlier, date him —but don’t move him into your place….let him stay in his…. if he has one! Your children should not have to take a six-foot dirt nap, which happens far too often in this society, just because you were not a smart shopper!

BELIEVE ME THERE ARE GOOD DUDES OUT HERE…and if you can’t find one…become a gadget shopper! Ha!
Yeah, I said it…..Stella in the City!


About stellafoster

Stella Foster is a retired columnist writer who has contributed to the Chicago Sun-Times for 43 years. Well known for the trailblazing path she has created for other columnist writers and her fearlessness, candor, and strong principles while covering the most entertaining stories relating (but not limited) to, celebrities, community events, and black-on-black crime.

Posted on July 9, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Steven Waxman

    Statistically, both men and women are generally attracted over and over again to the characteristics
    of the individual they left in the first place. I don’t have the background to give an explanation for that, but it’s a known fact certain personalities continue to wind up with abusers, addicts, gang-bangers, sadists, and other irresponsible human beings. It’s no wonder that the values of children growing up today are so misguided, and it doesn’t matter if it’s in the hood or Hollywood. It just is.

  2. This is great. Keep up the wonderful Work Joli


  3. Yahvet Baht Yisrael

    Sister you hit the nail on the head, you touched all o the bases. I hope these parents are listening and taking the correct action. Most of the parents that allow this behavior toward their babies are young, ignorant, drug users, mentally ill and/or have been abused themselves without any counseling or rehabilitation. Keep blowing the trumpet in Zion. If one person changes it well worth it. We MUST SAVE OUR BABIES!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!

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